How can I express myself in a coherent way about my thought process in making one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made? I will say I have praying a lot over this decision and asking the Lord to show me the way.
I have a big announcement, one that may shock you, one that may have you shaking your head in bewilderment. I have decided to enroll my six year old in public school for first grade this fall.
Yes, I have bought all the home schooling books, yes I have send the letter of intent to our local school district, yes I have painstakingly constructed her curriculum, and even designed daily lesson plans.
Several things have happened over the past few weeks which have caused me to change our educational plans for Ladybug.
I have been offered two options to earn money. Since January, we have been without dental and vision insurance. At the time, our health insurance coverage changed, and we no longer had access to employer sponsored insurance. Please note we follow a strict budget and do not use credit anymore. This gap in our coverage has been keeping me up at night, and I have been praying that God would show me a way on how to afford this insurance on our monthly budget. With Bumblebee needing eye glasses, and Ladybug on the verge of getting her adult teeth, I feel God offered me solution that would pay for these two additional bills. However, there is a catch, and of course, it is time, but not only time but energy. Both of these options wonderful opportunities, and I am very excited about them. But I was left wondering how I would be able to juggle these new responsibilities while home schooling my two daughters.
Many would look at my schedule, and argue, well why don’t you give up other activities instead? Yes, I lead a weekly bible study, and yes, I am involved another ministry, however I believe those two activities are important to my faith formation and the call to service. To me, these are things that I do to build my most important relationship, my relationship with God, Father, Son and Spirit.
I also feel I have not been giving the proper time and energy to my relationship with Rick. By the end of the day, I feel like I have nothing left to give him. I love him very much, and I know he realizes we are in this season of our life, childrearing, but frankly, he deserves more.
You may even ask, what about all the time you spend on your blog, or Facebook, or Pinterest? The fact is these are things I do for me, and frankly, I really like them.
Earlier this year, I choose a word for 2011, and the word was BALANCE. Right now, I do not feel like I have balance in my life. My life revolves around my children, as it should, but I also need time for God, for my husband, and for myself.
I was beginning to dread the beginning of the school year. In reviewing Ladybug’s entire curriculum and preparing Bumblebee for kindergarten, I was wondering how I could fit it all in and remain sane in the process.
I also have an honest to God, gut feeling this is the best decision for my family, for all of us. I think I came to it when my girls attended Vacation Bible School. They absolutely loved it, and enjoyed being around other children. Frankly, we also enjoyed the break from each other.
I know that many home schooling Moms have many more children than I do, they are have successful blogs, create wonderful menu plans, do crafts, and seem to have it all together. I applaud them, and I respect them. But I am not them, I am me. Imperfect, as I am, I am a child of God and I know Jesus loves me for who I am.
I need to stop comparing myself to others, and live my life, the life that God is calling me to.