I know it has been awhile since I have written on this blog. My vocation of wife, mother, teacher and caretaker has taken more time and energy then I ever anticipated. At the beginning of this year, my youngest stopped taking naps and started learning how to read and write. These changes flipped my weekly schedule upside down. I miss the time alone I had in the afternoons to read my friends’ blogs. I miss writing on this blog. I know many Moms who can juggle much more than I do, however I am not very good at multi-tasking. I reflect, I ponder, and ruminate. Writing for me, is a slow process.
Right now, it is very special time in my youngest daughter’s life and I want to savor it. Next year, she will start kindergarten. I have decided to send her to the local public elementary school for the half day program, and continue teaching her in the afternoons with the kindergarten home schooling curriculum I used with my oldest daughter.
Two years ago, I left the corporate world so I could stay home with my daughters. I know many women who can successfully juggle a career, kids and marriage. They have carefully selected the right schools, sports and enrichment activities for their children. They have outsourced mundane tasks such as house cleaning and dinner preparation. Kudos to them, I tried to do that too, but my heart wasn’t in it. I waited years to be a Mother and I wanted to enjoy my children as much as I could, not just in 2-3 hour increments and on the weekends. I also knew the weakness of my own character. I crave recognition. As long as I worked full-time, my job would take priority over my family. I had no one to blame but myself. My boss was very supportive. She always said family came first. However, it was my pride that would always place work before my family.
When I started staying home, I jumped into full-time Motherhood with both feet. I home schooled, I baked my own bread, I faithfully read the “Super Mommy” websites, and I said yes to almost every volunteer request that came my way. By the time summer rolled around, I was utterly exhausted. I also realized I was doing the same thing I did when I worked in the corporate world. Instead of trying to be the “perfect employee”, now I was trying to be the “perfect Mother”.
My girls didn’t want or need the “perfect Mother”; they just wanted me, their own imperfect Mommy. So, that’s who I am trying to be, the best version of me.