Since I became a parent five years ago, making the time and finding the energy to enrich and develop my marriage has been a struggle for me. Now, don't get me wrong, I have a great husband and I love him deeply. And now, that I am home with our children, things have gotten a LOT better. I do not feel like I am on a hamster wheel, rushing out of the house at 6:45 am and coming home at 5:45 pm. I can actually start thinking about how I can improve myself whereas before I was in survival mode. That being said, I know "I" could do a better job when it comes to building our relationship.
I think it is very easy for me as a stay at-home mother to have my children become the priority in my life. They, at three and five years old, are still very dependent on me for many things. Being a home schooling Mom, I am also with them ALL THE TIME. However, there are things I can do to help balance my life and ensure my marriage is the priority relationship in the family. I recently realized, I need to look no further than my parents for an example.
Growing up, when my father came home, he greeted us with hugs and kisses, but then he headed straight into the kitchen to talk to my mother. He sat down at our pink tiled peninsula on his special stool. He then poured two glasses of wine, one for my mother, and one for himself, out of a Carlo Rossi jug he had fetched from the cabinet nearby. My mother would be preparing the evening meal, and they would chat about the day. It only lasted about fifteen minutes, the amount of time it took they to share a glass of wine, but we, children, knew better than to interrupt this conversation. After that, my father would head down the hallway and change out of his suit and tie.
As a child, I had no doubt my father loved my mother. I also knew that their marriage took priority over all other relationships in the family. It was their loving example of a Christian marriage, and parenting, I hope to pass this on to my daughters.
How was your day, honey? How about a glass of Carlo Rossi?
This is a GREAT post, Mary. As a child, it was so affirming to me to know that my parents loved each other and that, even when they fought, they would never divorce or leave us. It's amazing how the little moments my parents share are incredibly comforting and teach us kids so much.
p.s. since you are homeschooling, especially since your girls are still young, I have a few more book suggestions:
-The Trivium by Sr. Miriam Joseph (this book cannot be more highly recommended, by me or by many of my former teachers)
-The Life of the Mind by Fr. James Schall (bonus suggestion: A Student's Guide to Liberal Learning, also by Schall)
-The Idea of a University by John Henry Newman
also:
-The Art of the Commonplace by Wendell Berry
-The Duty of Delight: The Diaries of Dorothy Day (edited by Robert Ellsberg)
Posted by: Julie | 12/18/2010 at 07:00 PM
Nice!! This time of year, maybe you can make some Gluhwein. You can have it warm when he comes home. It will also make the house smell warm and cozy!
Posted by: Stephanie | 12/18/2010 at 07:00 PM
Great example! Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Bridget | 12/19/2010 at 07:00 PM
It can not be said better. Love your pic of two glasses too.
Posted by: Bozena | 12/19/2010 at 07:00 PM
My husband and I go to our room when he gets home (after he's greeted the girls) and while he changes we chat and talk about our days. It has really helped deepen and strengthen our relationship and I highly recommend taking those few minutes out of the day to reconnect!
Posted by: domestic extraordinaire | 12/19/2010 at 07:00 PM
I like this. Your girls will value your time as 'daddy and mommy' and really understand in their hearts, you love each other as well as you love them. Great post.
Posted by: Sharon O | 12/19/2010 at 07:00 PM