The Big Decision

How can I express myself in a coherent way about my thought process in making one of the  most difficult decisions I have ever made? I will say I have praying a lot over this decision and asking the Lord to show me the way.

 

I have a big announcement, one that may shock you, one that may have you shaking your head in bewilderment.  I have decided to enroll my six year old in public school for first grade this fall. 

Yes, I have bought all the home schooling books, yes I have send the letter of intent to our local school district, yes I have painstakingly constructed her curriculum, and even designed daily lesson plans.

Several things have happened over the past few weeks which have caused me to change our educational plans for Ladybug.

I have been offered two options to earn money.  Since January, we have been without dental and vision insurance.  At the time, our health insurance coverage changed, and we no longer had access to employer sponsored insurance. Please note we follow a strict budget and do not use credit anymore.  This gap in our coverage has been keeping me up at night, and I have been praying that God would show me a way on how to afford this insurance on our monthly budget. With Bumblebee needing eye glasses, and Ladybug on the verge of getting her adult teeth, I feel God offered me solution that would pay for these two additional bills.  However, there is a catch, and of course, it is time, but not only time but energy.  Both of these options wonderful opportunities, and I am very excited about them.  But I was left wondering how I would be able to juggle these new responsibilities while home schooling my two daughters.

Many would look at my schedule, and argue, well why don’t you give up other activities instead?  Yes, I lead a weekly bible study, and yes, I am involved another ministry, however I believe those two activities are important to my faith formation and the call to service. To me, these are things that I do to build my most important relationship, my relationship with God, Father, Son and Spirit.

I also feel I have not been giving the proper time and energy to my relationship with Rick. By the end of the day, I feel like I have nothing left to give him.  I love him very much, and I know he realizes we are in this season of our life, childrearing, but frankly, he deserves more. 

You may even ask, what about all the time you spend on your blog, or Facebook, or Pinterest?  The fact is these are things I do for me, and frankly, I really like them. 

Earlier this year, I choose a word for 2011, and the word was BALANCE. Right now, I do not feel like I have balance in my life.  My life revolves around my children, as it should, but I also need time for God, for my husband, and for myself.

I was beginning to dread the beginning of the school year.  In reviewing Ladybug’s entire curriculum and preparing Bumblebee for kindergarten, I was wondering how I could fit it all in and remain sane in the process.

I also have an honest to God, gut feeling this is the best decision for my family, for all of us.  I think I came to it when my girls attended Vacation Bible School.  They absolutely loved it, and enjoyed being around other children.  Frankly, we also enjoyed the break from each other. 

I know that many home schooling Moms have many more children than I do, they are have successful blogs, create wonderful menu plans, do crafts, and seem to have it all together.  I applaud them, and I respect them.  But I am not them, I am me.  Imperfect, as I am, I am a child of God and I know Jesus loves me for who I am.

I need to stop comparing myself to others, and live my life, the life that God is calling me to.

Comments

[Bozena]

Mary,
You do what is right for you and your family. DOn't try to compare yourself to others. Everyones life is different.
If public school doesn't work for you then you can look for other resolutions. Trust God.
I know those decisions are not easy to make. I have been there many times and cried many times. By the end of the day things REALLY work.
My quote for you " Don't worry, God is already there".

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

Bozena, you are absolutley right, "God is already there."

[Bridget]

I can completely understand. My big two are in public school and I've been on the lookout on a job that would make enough for me to get a sitter for the little two(not an easy feat) or be something I could do with them at home with me. I know that you will do what is best for your family and I think you will all benefit from this experience.

[Jodene Piedimonte Vasquez]

Hi Mare, good for you to do what is right for your family! Both my sons went to public school, and I couldn't be any more proud of the men they have become, and their relationship with their Maker. I did home school each of them for a time during middle school, when I felt it was necessary for them, but God provided opportunity when it was needed. Don't ever start to compare yourself with other Moms, you were given the children that fit YOUR personality and temperament, not anyone else's!
Loving you blogs!
and you :)
Jodene

[wendy]

Well, frankly I believe there are many benefits to a public education and that even negative situations that come up only help to prepare a child for real life. I am a public school teacher so, you know, I'm biased. I have sent my children to both public and private school, but could never have home schooled them myself. Being a teacher by profession is best kept separate from being my children's mother (just my opinion). But you kbow Mary, life flows, it's not stagnant, and so there's probably postives to whatever you decide to do at any given time. I'm not saying this well. What I'm trying to get at is "there' more than one way to skin a rabbit" and if you make decisions based on what is right for your family at a particular time, then that's a positive.

[Julie Robison]

I think you're making a great decision! Even more so, you can still use all your homeschooling materials to supplement their education. They can still have even more school at home, to make them top of their class and in-tune with their faith. I'm praying for you and your family, Mary!

[Cindy]

Mary, I know she will love it ! She's such a social butterfly..or uumm Ladybug : ) I am glad you're strong enough to do the balancing act and I agree,that this is a beautiful decision : ) ♥

[Tracie]

Mary, I had home schooled our daughter for 6 years and then I decided it was time for me to go to school myself. I knew that I could not facilitate both educations so we decided to put her in public school this year. she will repeat the 5th grade for two main reasons, she would be going into middle school right from being home and her best friend will be in the fifth grade. This should make the transition much better. I will leave for school after she gets on the bus and be home before she gets off. She is extremely excited! As am I!

As your other friends have said, don't compare yourself with others. I went thought the same thing last year when I knew this decision. I felt guilty. But I also knew that I wasn't like everyone else, I WAS ME! And I had to do what was right for our family! My husbands income has been dwindling and i needed to get my education before it sunk out ship!

DO WHAT IS RIGHT YOUR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! God will honor that!

[Stephanie]

You are a wonderful mother. I know it is a tough decision, but all decisions we make concerning our children our tough. I trust your judgement and you know that God will always be by your side. Ladybug is a dynamic young girl. She will excel no matter where she is. She will follow the example of her mother, a true and wonderful woman!

[kyooty]

Sounds like you have reached a well thought out decision. You've done so much for your girls and hubbie and I know you will continue to give of yourself. :)

[Pam]

If you have prayed over this, you know that God has led you to the right decision. I am sure that Ladybug will thrive in public school and that you all will have much to share together at the end of the day. Blessings to you all!

[Sharon O]

I am behind you all the way. There is nothing wrong with public school, if you stay with them in close contact and review all the work your child is doing. Choices often come with a variety of endings and I think for now this might be the perfect choice for you. Don't let the home school movement give you guilt. You are providing for your girls and that is all that counts.
take care and thanks for sharing.

[tricia]

Miss Mary,

Only you and Rick know what is best for those girls. Don't worry about anyone else. I Love what our friend Bozena said. She knows. She has been there done that. She has wisdom.
Your girls will be just fine. Besides they have an awesome Mommy and Daddy.
That is what matters.
your friend,
Tricia

[Kat]

Glad Cindy sent me this post... There is not a single formula for success for each family-- and you are finding what works for yours. That's wonderful!

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, my friends for your support, and encouragement. I feel very blessed to call you my friends.

[Kim D. in WI]

We also homeschooled, and now aren't. What a tough decision! But I have no regrets, either for pulling them out of public school, homeschooling, or putting them back in (Catholic) school(s). Now I can see that it's all been so good--we got wonderful benefits from each scenario, and it turns out that my family is really doing great. I think parenting is a journey (wild ride?!?) and it is so fascinating to watch God's plan unfold! I can tell that you are such a devoted mom that whatever decision you make, your daughters will thrive.
Many blessings to you with your new endeavor--it sounds perfect!
+JMJ+

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

Thanks Kim for your comments, I know you have walked a similar road.

[Carmen]

You and I have talked about this. You know what is right for your family.

I applaud you for listening to your gut. It's not easy to do - and I bet your daughter will LOVE IT.

[Margaret]

My husband and I make decisions based on "this child, this year." No educational decision is forever; we do the next right thing for each child each year. Actually, sometimes it is not even for a full year. One year we took our 2nd grader out of Catholic school at Christmas, and he started after New Year's at public school! That was scary, but it was so clear that God wanted him to move, and it turned out to be much better for him. It sounds like the best thing for your daughter, (and just as important, for your whole family,) is for her to be in public school right now. God has the long-term plan, we just do what we need to do today. Be at peace.

[Headless Mom]

I'm with everyone on this. You've obviously thought about it a lot. Don't apologize for doing what is right for you and your family. That's why there are options!

Another thing... First grade, while much harder than when we were kids, is not really a make or break year. If you need to change direction later it's ok!

[Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith]

Margaret,

This child, this year, thats what Rick said too. Thank you for yourwords of encouragement.

See you at Bible Study!

Peace be with you,

Mary
Join me @ A Simple Twist of Faith

[Jordana]

Good luck with it all this year. It is a hard decision to make and often difficult to know what is best. The beautiful thing is that these decisions aren't set in stone. Just because you were ready to homeschool didn't prevent you from choosing public school when it seemed the best option and just because you are sending your daughter to public school now, doesn't mean you can go back to homeschooling some day if it seems to be a better choice later. I hope you and the girls have a wonderful year all around.

[Karen at A Glimpse Into My Reveries]

Mary, thank you for sharing some of your decision making thought process. My children were public school educated and have turned out as wonderful, polite, caring and educated young adults.
Just because your children attend public schools does not mean you won't be an involved, intentional, and attentive parent! I always looked on my children's public school educators as a working partner. Partner, not sole provider.

Socialization is a major factor in public school education, as is exposure to different cultures, values, and family situations. I have seen quite a lot of home schooled children in our area, some make the transition to the higher education system (high school or college)very well, but for others it is a MAJOR adjustment, almost crisis level as they are confronted with 'real world'. Especially those who are only socialized with other home-schooled family who share identical values. How one deals with major conflicts in life is determined by past experience and learned strengths. Learning to cope with less-than-ideal, or poor personality-matched teachers, bullies and other real life situation gives our children the opportunities to build and flex their social muscles. And, let's be truthful here, it also gives them opportunities to live their faith and values in a some-what controlled atmosphere before they are confronted with real-life conflicts, difficult co-workers and unsympathetic bosses.

Be at peace with your decision, it was prayfully made.

Your daughter is going to have an exciting adventure! Let her enjoy the time away from you. It will give you both the opportunity to reconnect and share your days with each other.

How lucky the two young ladies who will be your charges. I am betting this situation for them was an answer to their parent's prayers!

[Geri]

Mary,
I know this was a hard decision and you seemed to reach a decision that works for everyone in your family. Nothing is forever and things change so this is just the next new adventure. I am sure that the background you have given Ladybug will make her more than ready for school and the love of learning, regardless of the setting.
G